Canis Majoris
by star decay
Summary: Remus tries to come to grips with the death of Sirius. Post-OotP.


Author: Me, Amanda. Please don't steal.  
  
Rating: PG-13.   
  
Characters: Remus and Tonks  
  
Pairing: None. Or is there? Dun dun dun.  
  
Genre: Sort of... angsty? It's sad.  
  
Author's note: This is my first actually completed fanfic! So woot for me. This was made totally on the spur of the moment, so don't hate me! And I'm sorry that it's horrible. I just wanted to write something. *cough*  
  
.:.:.:.:.  
  
Remus wandered aimlessly through the alleyway, his worn shoes scraping the pavement with every step. The deserted London streets, normally bustling with people hastening anxiously to their destination, he now walked in silence. He suddenly paused, then looked up at the night sky. Where the waning moon should have appeared, he saw nothing but a faint glow, barely visible beyond the thick veil of clouds that would surely give way to the threatening thunderstorm at any moment. As a clap of thunder filled the air, the few stragglers still out on the streets ran for shelter inside of shops; several who had thought to bring umbrellas watched the others as they smugly opened them, seemingly suggesting it was their own fault for not watching the weather report that morning. Remus watched them with interest as the rain began to fall. He welcomed it. He loved the rain-- it was one of the few pursuits that he and Sirius had enjoyed in their school days without James or Peter; they could sit for hours at a time, just listening to the rain . . .  
  
Remus felt his stomach tighten. It was a painful memory. Now Sirius was gone, and he was the last of the Marauders-- the last of the true Marauders. As he absentmindedly licked his lips, he tasted salt: rain water mixed with tears. He quickly wiped at his face with his tattered shirt, and without thinking, walked into the nearest liquor store. Thoroughly numb, he grabbed the nearest bottle, and threw the bit of Muggle money he had on the counter. "Keep the change," he muttered, walking out the door.  
  
He opened the bottle, lifted his head, and knocked back half the booze in one swig. He knew he was trying to numb the pain, but he didn't care. The aching he felt in his heart was unbearable. Lily and James dead, Wormtail a traitor, and now Sirius was gone too. He had no friends left in the world. He slumped against a wall, staring at the ground, and suddenly, he yelled, "FUCK YOU, SIRIUS! FIRST LILY AND JAMES, AND NOW YOU TOO! FUCK YOU SIRIUS! FUCK YOU!"   
  
He took one last swallow, and smashed the bottle bitterly on the ground. He immediately regretted what he'd said, and broke down, sobbing into his hands. "I didn't mean it, Padfoot," he wept, "I didn't mean it. You were the best friend I had... you and James... Lily..." Without warning, Remus felt a hand on his shoulder. Instinctively, he put his hand on his wand, and, still staring at the ground, growled, "Get off me."  
  
He looked up to see Tonks staring at him with a disturbed expression on her normally cheerful face. "Remus," she said gently, "I think it's about time you get home."  
  
He began to argue, but seeing the look on her face, nodded, and wobbling, stood up. He put a hand on Tonk's shoulder to steady himself, and the two proceeded towards Grimmauld Place in silence. The rain had eased, and it was now drizzling lightly.  
  
Tonks was the first to speak. "I miss him too, Remus."  
  
He shook his head furiously. "Not as much as me," he said fiercely, fighting the lump in his throat that always warned him of oncoming tears.  
  
Tonks stopped walking, and turned to face Remus, looking him in the eyes. "Don't you dare think that. You aren't the only one who has lost someone dear to you. My mother and father are dead-- remember? Or did that just happen to slip your mind? And now, I've lost one of the only people left in this world that I truly cared about." She turned back, and began to walk again, supporting the grief-stricken man with her arm.   
  
After an awkward silence, he apologized. "Sorry," he said meekly.  
  
"It's all right." Tonks smiled sadly. "But don't ever think that you're alone. You have Harry... you have Dumbledore... you have me... there are so many people that care about you."  
  
"Right," he said disbelievingly.  
  
Tonks obviously hadn't noticed his hesitation. "Good night," she said, hugging him. Remus hadn't realized it, but suddenly they were standing in front of Number Twelve. "Good night," he replied, attempting a smile. Tonks beamed and turned to open the door.  
  
Left alone outside, Remus was seized with the temptation to do what he had been contemplating for the past week. To end it, to end all the pain... to be with Sirius and James once more... Without realizing it, he found he had pointed his wand at his heart, ready to say the curse, and end it all.   
  
Again, he lifted his head to look at the sky. By now, it had cleared, and an incalculable number of stars were visible above his head. Looking to his right, he saw it: Canis Majoris, and its brightest star, Sirius. It was still burning bright.  
  
"Not tonight," he said to himself, "not tonight." And he went inside. 


End file.
